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Showing posts from 2018

That large black raincloud

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Dearest readers, 
I want to share with you this time how my life currently feels: 
Like the above. I have honestly had a lot thrown at me over the last ten days that I have, if I'm honest, have lost count including a car accident of my car - only my car since November last year. I have no energy left to fight and it does honestly feel like it would be easier to give up and pull the plug. It has been a while since I have been "this bad" - during and after a stint homeless in a foreign country and being constructively dismissed and humiliated by my first job after I graduated being the last 2 stints. Although feeling a bit improved off of where I was at the end of last week, the damage has already been done. This does not mean I will not stop fighting, rather will fight in a different way. 
I've known depression since I was about 12 years old - I rarely talk about it as it comes and goes; sometimes with reason and sometimes without. I have been on long term medication…

Why you'd never guess

Dearest readers,

I wanted write something that perhaps made us think again and consider appearances twice before passing judgement or assumption. It is one of those things that is definitely easier said than done for all of us. Yes it might be part of human nature, yet through saying this we can almost imply it as an excuse for doing, saying or thinking these things so I would always be on the cautious side when using the "human nature" phrase. I wanted to share one of the number one things people never guess about me:
I would have never guessed you're autistic 
Queue me wanting to face palm the nearest wall. I'm never quite sure what people are implying to be honest when I get told this... I mean like many memes and autistic voices have stated themselves autism has no look. But I don't think this is what people are getting at in all honesty. I know this is to do in part with how I appear and carry myself - oh but you're not stereotypical, you're doing a g…

Not a puzzle piece

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Dearest readers, 
I had this idea I had earlier in the week whilst chasing up various people on emails; it's been a hectic week on emails and I am looking forward to not having to be glued to my outlook account over the next week. I'm going to end up with trigger finger at this rate! I'm also relieved the auto-correct on my outlook on my phone has not failed like on other pieces of software I have, as anyone who knows when I Facebook message or WhatsApp, they have a good time trying to decode what the message might be! I've even tried recalibrating my phone, I'm just rubbish at hitting the correct keys. The thought that came to my mind is highly linked to the quote, not from myself, but from e. e. cummings. It's a quote I've had saved on my personal social media for some time. I must have been the quote for the first time sometime between 2010 and 2012.


It always struck me as a musing that was very relevant to me: for many years I had felt threatened by pe…

Home and freedom

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Dearest readers, 
Long time no update. After finding some new inspiration, having some rest and focusing on my work I think I may be ready to blog again. I had this idea a while back after having a conversation about where home may be with one of my friends. I'm not very good at being overly reflective on the spot and if I'm quite honest, I can't even remember what I said. But later that day, I remembered: home is not here. I've had this sense that my home is not here for a while now. Home for me isn't a geographic location, a preferred place, the place I grew up (although actually it is, but that's not the tangent I'm going down). 
A fine description of where I find home can be found below in this excerpt below, not my writing but very aptly and succinctly demonstrates what exactly I'm on about: 

I've had this sense for some while, realising after watching my life literally fall to pieces in front of me and had the dreams I used to have torn from m…